Melbourne: The Friendly or Closed Chronicles

Our last few days in Sydney were characterised by trying to have a night out, but being too tired and piking on our own party hahaha
This was then returned to us when we attempted to visit the local chocolate factory.  It’s lunch time, Saturday, perfect timing for chocolate binge-ing.  Think again Mr Chocolate Man!  Factory is closed at midday, you lose, do not pass go, do not pay to collect chocolate.

So we run away to Melbourne.  Matt, of the band Nous (amongst others), picks us up from the airport, naturally our flight is a bit late, but he’s a friendly fellow.  We then meet his girlfriend, Tam, she’s a friendly lass.  The drive back is mostly dominated by our talk of recording technologies and techniques, which I’m sure, turned the girls on a lot and made others in passing cars want to come to the orgy.
For dinner we decide that Ingrid has to have Kangaroo, in BBQ form.  We go halves in a case of Boag’s Premium and buy our supplies.  As we’re cooking some unexpected people turn up, it’s an all out backyard shindig!!  Beers are smashed, the kanga bangas and steaks go down nicely and we score a bed in the back of a van, which rules.  We actually asked if we could stay in there for the rest of the time down, it was private and comfortable, just perfect.

I’m not sure of chronology at the moment, but on some day at some point we were looking for a restaurant that was recommended by the internets & the printed guide I picked up.  Both appear to be out of date or the place is so exclusive that you have to enter through a convincing karaoke shop front.  The next place we decide to go eat is closed, and it’s like normal weekend dining times, we weren’t be dodgy or anything.  Turns out most of Melbourne was closing up.  That was ok, as we were wandering, I pushed the others into a Jerky store, we bought all the non-spicy varieties but avoided all the horrid looking seafood ones: curried cuttlefish biltong anyone?
Look there!  Let’s go down there.  We headed down some random alleyway and noticed that the trendy beer garden-esque place was full, but those random stairs with a menu near the door looked rapey, so we entered.  I figured that Ingrid is the only girl amongst us and I could probably cork Matt’s leg if he runs faster than I…  It was a Polish bar!  To make things better they were giving away free drinks on arrival and were trying out a new menu, so we got free food!!  Your holidays suck, only travel with me from now on.

We journeyed out to Phillip Island to see Penguins.  Now the penguins were rad, so were the wallabies, but there were some shifty, shitty things afoot that kind of soiled the experience a little bit.  It’s $23 something to go see them, per person, not a huge deal, I suppose.  You enter this pretty tacky building that has some displays on penguins and all that, they have a horrid looking selection of crappy cafeteria food at stupidly high prices and the merch was pretty shitty.  What made things worse though was their weird attitude and hypocrisy towards people and penguins.

Dear Trip Advisor:
Today I went to see penguins, however every ranger or volunteer or knobjock whatever shouted and waved hands about there not being any photography.  Not just avoiding flash photography, but ANY photography.  They claimed that this disoriented the penguins & in some instances made them throw up food.  One fails to see how, unless the soul stealing stories are true, a camera using the low level of light available would achieve this.  That’s not so bad though, really, except the whatever people are driving around in buggies with flashing lights, they use a PA to say things, have floodlights shining over the beach, operate coffee machines, with drink fridges running (on the sand!) and have built fences etc that funnel the penguins…  Now I’m no gynaecologist nor animal expert but I understand how a flash could possibly effect the penguins, they are often irritating to humans and moody musicians or artists.  Surely, given the amount of crap they have though, a click of a camera is not going to do anything worse than what they have running.
There were also dicks shouting at anybody who stood up, to sit down, as soon as they stood up.  This did not seem to matter when they continually “upgraded” their seat though because they were old and it took time for the darlings to get up, to walk to the closer seat and then to bend those shitty knees.
Penguins & Wallabies 10/10
Experience at place 0/10

Next stop Queensland!